Spike's bad day
by Eviljellybean88
Summary: poor spikey always has horrible luck on the 19th of every month. won't you read and review to make him feel better : rated to be safe


The 19th

8:02am- Woke up in the pouf's penthouse with him screaming at me ta get my shit and get out. Can barely remember why I was there in the first place. I think it had to do with me being drunk an commin' up here ta get some which of course he wouldn't give and shoved me on the floor. Right ass little bugger.

8:10am- Pretended ta go out the door then doubled back ta use his bathroom, bloody git deserves it, throwing me out like that. The water stung my healing rug burns and went cold too quickly. Hope he isn't planning ta use it anytime soon.

8:30am- Got dressed in elevator, alone, for the most part, a few floors didn't particularly like seeing me an my all tagether, that's a new one. A few squeaks of surprise later and I hit the office floor. No, I mean I literally hit the office floor cause I tripped when I tried walking out. What's the use o' bein' a vampire if you fall face in front of a whole floor o' people. Bloody embarrassing that was.

8:35am- Just found out it's the 19th today. That's explains why nothing has been going right so far. Except there's always a coupla things I can count on. Lindsey bein' a sexy ass cowboy, Fred bein' as cute as a packet of pigs blood and Harmony throwing herself at me at every opportunity. Even if I get no lovin' today I still will never sink down that low again. That chicky has some really weird kinks. The unicorn thing I'll never figure out.

8:50am- Stopped my Lorne's office ta see what I could see and even the big sack o' love won't give me any. Stubbed my toe on the corner of his deck on the way out, even with my big shit kicken' boots on, can't figure out how that happened. The 19th workin' it's evil magic again.

9:00am- Day brightened a little when I and the whole rest of the building heard Angel's poufy scream because yours truly used all the hot water.

9:20- Hidin' out in the training room after his grand frumpiness stormed into the lobby wearing nothing but a towel which of course caused some of the employees to faint and immediately accused me of sabotage and chased me around using another towel ta whip me. Ok, I admit, I kinda liked that part, but not the chasing.

9:30am- Came out of hiding after it was confirmed that broody pants had stormed back upstairs. Tried to be friendly to Illyria and got throw through the window of someone's office for my troubles.

9:35am to 10:00am- Sulked in the science lab with Fred and listened to her babble to herself about non-separating polyconglomerates. Couldn't get any outta her either cause she didn't wanna take advantage of me in my wounded state, yeah right, she knows I like that anyway.

10:05am to 10:30am- Grumped around the office annoying various people and trying to get laid. The former happened quite a bit, but sadly I was met with rejections on all fronts from the latter.

10:45am- Went up ta Lindsey's office ta see if he was in, o'course turned out he wasn't. damn slacker. Called him up and found out even the sluttyest slut in the whole building didn't even want a poke taday on account o' the fact that he'd gone up against a fire breather yesterday and it had torched his todger. He he, it was funny ta say, but ouch when I got a look at it ooohhh mine wanted ta just crawl back up inside and stay there. The nurse or whatever she was said he'd be good as new in a coupla days. Poor linds, no nothing for 3 days, I don't know if he'll survive, but sure as shit when he gets out we're gonna have a ball or maybe two.

11:00am- Tried filching human blood from science lab o'course it didn't work out and I got myself caught. Damn cameras. Searched fridge and only found week old pigs blood stuffed in the back. Nearly gagged smelling it.

11:15am- Made sure El Capitan was outta the way before I snuck into his private quarters and started searchin' for some blood. I know he keeps some up here. He has always liked his bedtime snacks.

12:00pm- Rotten day it's turned out ta be, spent 45 minutes searchin' the pouf's penthouse and not even I drop o' blood ta be found. Bloody rotten luck is what this is. I swear when I find out it's the 19th I should just go back ta bed and not come out until midnight.

12:20pm- Gave up the hunt for food at W&H so I decided ta get take out. It looked like my luck was looking up as I stepped up to the counter at the butchers shop. Although the guy gave me the stink eye for wanting pig's blood, I flashed him a bit o' fang and was on my way, finally with some food.

12:30pm- Was a little too eager in opening my blood. Spilled some of it on my shirt and scared some locals when they saw what I was drinkin'. Damn blood bags scare way too easily.

1:00pm- Tried washing it at a nearby Laundromat, but it ended up getting shrunk instead, dammit, never was good with doin' laundry.

2:00pm- Had ta go all the way back home just ta get a new one. Remembered I had blood in the fridge, but then nearly gagged again when I smelt it. Good thing too cause I know I woulda gagged for real if I'da dranken it. That's what the 19th has taught me, always test your food before ya drink.

3:00pm- Made it back ta the office in time for the Great Avenger himself ta start yellin' at me about where I've been for the past 2 hours. Bloody broody sod, I can't figger him out, first he's tellin' me ta keep outta sight, then when I do that he's back yellin' in my face bout where I've been. I swear, there's just no pleasing him, well, at least not today. Tonight maybe, after midnight o'course.

3:15pm to 5:30- After he was done yellin' at me he turned around and started yellin' at the big blue meany cause she was supposedly annoying him with her weird talking to the plants thing. The best part of it all was she just stared at him in that observing way she had like who are you to be yelling at me and after he was done givin' us instructions on where ta find some creepy crawly thing and how ta kill it she just said "the plants tell me there're thirsty." Just like that deadpanned an everything, and then just walked away. Angel looked so flabbergasted it was awesome cause he just hates it when people or things don't pay attention to him, the big attention whore. So me an the big blue wonder are out huntin' this thing which by the way is so not a good thing for me ta be doin' on this day and whadaya know, the thing, all big and hairy like jumps out at me and before I know it, it has me pinned against the wall by my throat. It looks like it's the end for me; but finally, almost the only lucky thing to have happened to me today, smurfet just totally impales it and all this nasty, funky smellin' stuff starts comin' out. Phew, man it was brilliant. And blue was just standing there looking all self satisfied. I have ta say, even though sendin' us out was bloody stupid, it was the best part of my day.

5:45pm- Told the blue power ranger ta go tell Angel ta go fuck himself cause I was gonna go out drinkin' ta celebrate not dying (again) and I didn't care what he had to say bout it.

So o'course my day was pretty shitty, but it's the 19th and apparently this is the day I'm gonna get screwed forever on. Not literally of course, satan knows that'll never happen no matter how bloody awesome that would be. Would get a bit sore after a while though.

So I sat on some bar stool in some pub and drank and waited for midnight ta come around so I could have the best fuckin' day of this month at least.


End file.
